Is There Any Way To Save My Marriage?

Author: Sarah Lindahl, October 10th, 2009

The natural expression of love, and its natural progression, is marriage. We have a celebration and profess vows promising faithfulness to our spouse in sickness and in health, in good times and bad. Of course we intend to fulfill those vows when they are professed, and we believe there is nothing that could keep us from fulfilling them. Come what may, we will be together ’til death do us part’. But once you settle into married life, the romantic love fades and eventually you wonder ‘is there any way to save my marriage’.

Having a great marriage is not taught in school, so you may not yet be equipped with the skills you need to have the marriage you want. But even in bad situations, such as adultery, it is possible to turn the situation around and save your marriage. Remain hopeful because you are not alone. At this point you need to understand clearly what you should do, and also what you should not do in the reconciliation process. You have a desire to save, even transform, your marriage which is what led you to this article in the first place.

Your marriage is in one of the six stages of the relationship life cycle:

1. Romance and infatuation

2. After the honeymoon

3. Staking your territories

4. Evaluation

5. Reconnection

6. Commitment

You are likely in stage 4 right now, and you may be asking yourself why you married your spouse in the first place. Would married life would be easier with somebody else. This is a challenging time since you realize your dream is over. The romantic feelings and passionate love from the honeymoon stage have vanished. While this is normal, it is still emotionally painful. Intimacy, especially sexual intimacy, can seem a distant memory and one or both of you may even contemplate an affair. Resist such a temptation. Think of the vows you professed and then learn the skills to help you reconnect with your spouse. This stage can be a struggle, but is also has the greatest reward. Ensure you are well equipped for this process with the appropriate skills, so your marriage does not end up as another marriage statistic.

Questions commonly asked at this point include: what should I do if my partner does not want to make an effort to save the marriage, is there a way I can get past the hurt, will we be able to trust each other again. At this point, you need to be cautious and deliberate. Begging for forgiveness or making promises to change may not get a warm reception. Try on the old clich of walking a mile in their shoes. On the other hand, can you forgive your spouse? It might not be easy. These are serious issues and going for a quick fix is not the answer to transforming your marriage. If fact, it will only lead to more hurt. Most marital difficulties develop with time so they take time to fix. Make the effort to have the skills you need to get to stage 5, reconnection. In the end, you will be glad you did and you will know the answer to the question ‘is there a way to save my marriage’ is a resounding, ‘yes’.

Categories: Relationships Tags: Relationships