Learning To Establish Proper Eye Contact When Flirting

Author: Tasha Zheng, February 17th, 2010

Controlling the direction and intensity of our gaze is a vital tool for women during flirting. In terms of nonverbal communication, it may be the most powerful weapon. For example, for two people who have yet to meet, the eyes are the bridge to establishing contact and signaling interest. Strong, consistent eye contact can have an effect on whether a man makes his move to pick up a woman.

Men unconsciously pick up on eye contact because they understand that it may be a more honest indicator of a woman’s interest. A woman may say nice things, but her eyes betray her true emotions. This is the thought process of many men, whether its a conscious or unconscious fact.

One of the ways a woman can indicate lack of interest is to look away from a man. However, if she looks away inadvertently, perhaps out of nervousness, that can be misinterpreted by the man who thinks its a sign of disinterest. A woman must control what and how she looks at everything when speaking with a man. If she finds him attractive, she should make sure to focus her gaze on him. If she finds him repulsive, she should look away more often than not.

The gaze must not be overdone. Psychologists have found that a mix of looking at and away from the other party is most optimal. Too much staring can cause discomfort. Not enough looking can be a signal of boredom. A woman must balance her gaze to be a mix of eye contact as well as casual glances at things or people around her. She should best reduce the focus of her stare a bit and look away as if to contemplate what a man is saying.

Paul Ekman, the famous psychologist, has found that tiny microexpressions near the edges of the eye can give away whether a woman is really smiling or not. Some sensitive men probably read into these signals and make decisions based on them. If the smile is not genuine enough, they may be turned off. If the smile and the eyes match in signals, they may make extra effort to pick up the woman. Conversely, a woman may use this to her advantage. If she’s not interested in a woman, she can generate a false half smile without the correct microexpression of the eye to help emphasize her disinterest.

Conveying nonverbal signals with the eyes must be matched by attention to how they look aesthetically. Women who put too much mascara and eye shadow can take away from the impact of their eyes. Men may misinterpret signals. Women who don’t use enough make-up can also detract from their nonverbal messages. An appropriate balance is important.

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Categories: Relationships Tags: attraction, dating, flirting, men, Relationships, seduction, self improvement, social, society, women